Ask anyone you know what a pink ribbon symbolizes and they will tell you almost immediately – breast cancer awareness. You go to a grocery store, drive around, watch television or partake in any activity and you will see pink ribbons displayed or famous people talking about breast cancer. Especially in October, the official month to observe, raise money for and discuss breast cancer. As a woman and a breast cancer survivor, I am very pleased to see so many people working towards this very noble cause – eradicating breast cancer and working towards the goal to have no woman have to decide whether to keep her breasts or simply butcher them.
This leads me to the title of this particular posting, the other observance in October that is often forgotten or cast aside – DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Just like breast cancer it affects both women and men, but women seem to fall victim in disproportionate amounts. Numbers vary and a challenge in reporting accurate numbers regarding domestic violence is that many victims don’t report the abuse. Experts believe that one in four women will experience a form of physical, sexual and/or emotional abuse. Often the abuse is at the hand of those they love and those who have made a promise to honor and love them. Abuse is not confined to some third world country where women are considered the property of men. This abuse that one in four women will face at some point in their life is happening in the United States, a place where women enjoy equal protection under the law.
Those of us who are not in these types of situations will ask ourselves, why do they stay? What is wrong with that woman or man, don’t they love themselves? Unfortunately it is not that simple. The first abuse many individuals will face is emotional – “You are just not good enough, I only married you because you got pregnant (yes his sperm had nothing to do with the child), You are fat…..” Unfortunately words wound and many of these insecure abusers (remember only the weak and insecure take advantage of others) know this and use methodic ways of weakening their victims self-esteem before lashing out with the first physical blow. By the time the abuse has escalated to physical or sexual violence the victim has lost all self assurance and believes that she or he can’t make it alone. They believe that they need the abuser to make decisions for them, financially support them (although they are often the only ones in the relationship who work) or they simply fear for their lives and the lives of their children.
You don’t have to be poor, uneducated and a minority to experience domestic violence. Domestic violence affects families of every economic, ethnic and religious background. It is a thought out and planned practice that often “comes out of nowhere.” In our society where we tend to blame the victim some of us know women or men who are in abusive situations and judge them or think we are better than them because we would never allow ourselves to be treated in that manner. Stop victimizing the victim. That type of mentality is like saying a woman was raped because she has big breasts and wanted someone to bite them.
It is time to talk about this, make our young women and men understand that sometimes relationships don’t work out and we have to walk away. Not stalk our exes, try to fight anyone they speak with or disrespect their parents for protecting them. We can only control ourselves, don’t try to control someone else you will never be happy that way. Children learn how to treat their significant other by watching the way their parents interact. They learn acceptable behavior through the actions that occur in their home. If a girl watches her mother get belittled, beaten and abused then she thinks it is acceptable for her significant other to treat her that way. If a boy watches his father beat and berate his mother, he thinks that is how he needs to treat women. Through your actions teach your children that abuse of any sort is not acceptable behavior. Teach your children that you value your life and theirs.
If you or someone you love is in an abusive situation there is help. In Dallas you can reach out to Genesis Women’s Shelter at 214-946-HELP (4357) or 911. This help is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week including holidays. Don’t stay in a dangerous situation because you feel you have no other option. The only thing that doesn’t have a solution is death. Chose to walk away and live. You will learn to love yourself again.
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